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The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Pattern of Intimate Relationships Paperback – 1 Jan. 2004

by Harriet G Lerner (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 4,279 ratings
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A fresh new jacket design brings this classic self-help guide up to date for a contemporary readership. One of the forerunners to today's pop psych market along with Women Who Love Too Much, this multimillion bestseller shows us how anger affects women's relationships and explains how to turn this often destructive force into a constructive one.

For many women, anger is a destructive force that perpetuates all the harmful dynamics of their most intimate relationships.

This classic, inspirational book from internationally respected feminist psychologist Harriet Lerner explores the ways in which anger can lead into a destructive ‘dance’ within women’s relationships- permanent fighting with your nearest and dearest, distancing yourself through silence or blaming others for the failure of your relationships.

Practical and accessible, this book also shows women how the destructive ‘dance of anger’ can be turned into a constructive force- women should neither suppress their anger nor vent it through aggression, but learn focussed ways to deal with it to find the best solution for all concerned.

Focussing largely on family relationships, the book shows women how to deal with many different relationship issues. The book has meaning for all women, regardless of age, background or experience.

Harriet Lerner provides the reader with the insights and practical skills to stop behaving in the old predictable ways and to begin to use anger to establish a more positive approach to significant relationships.

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  1. Part of series
    Perennial Library
  2. Print length
    256 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Publisher
    Element Books
  5. Publication date
    1 Jan. 2004
  6. Dimensions
    12.9 x 1.8 x 19.7 cm
  7. ISBN-10
    9780722536230
  8. ISBN-13
    978-0722536230
  9. See all details
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The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
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Product description

Review

‘A careful and compassionate exploration of women’s anger.’ SUSIE ORBACH
‘An inspirational book.’ RELATE NEWS
‘Provides a whole new way of looking at your problems. A good investment.’ Amazon reader, 2001

About the Author

Harriet Lerner is a staff psychologist and psychotherapist at the Meninger Foundation in the US. Her work on the psychology of women and on the mangement of anger and conflict has earned her national recognition amonger general and professional audiences.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0722536232
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Element Books (1 Jan. 2004)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780722536230
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0722536230
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 12.9 x 1.8 x 19.7 cm
  • Customer reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 4,279 ratings

About the author

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Harriet Lerner

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation's most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4,279 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book has valuable insights and relevant information about anger management. They describe it as an interesting and helpful read with clear writing that is easy to understand. Readers appreciate the compassionate and kind approach to anger issues.

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InsightReadabilityEase of readingAnger managementCompassion
36 customers mention ‘Insight’36 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's insights valuable and relevant. They say the book helps them understand their feelings and can be life-changing. Readers appreciate the simple yet full of wisdom and interesting concepts. The book helps them see their own hearts and minds and opens a window to the heart of the matter.

"This publishing is so insightful, it resonated with me throughout and gave me so many useful strategies to use going forward." Read more

"...of a few of my good friends who would also find it interesting and helpful for situations they are finding themselves in !!" Read more

"...It is not a miracle cure. To the contrary it helps you see your own heart and mind and opens a window to the heart of the person you dance with and..." Read more

"...Dance of Anger offers practical steps and helpful scenarios that can help you make important changes improve the quality of any type of relationship..." Read more

35 customers mention ‘Readability’35 positive0 negative

Customers find the book engaging and helpful. They describe it as an excellent read with good points. However, some readers feel it's too one-dimensional.

"...I would say that this is one of the best books of its kind, and in my view also the best of these three...." Read more

"...partners, husbands, wives, in laws, work colleagues- an excellent read. Useful in my profession dealing with complex staffing issues...." Read more

"Love this book, has really helped me understand why I fire up and I gave me ideas on how to navigate through situations that I find difficult...." Read more

"...It is SO VERY GOOD!!! It’s about way more than just anger - it’s about how we relate to our family members, friends and work colleagues...." Read more

16 customers mention ‘Ease of reading’16 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and understand. They appreciate the clear writing, good points, and simple yet wisdom-filled content. The author is skilled at highlighting generalities that are easy to apply to relationships. It's well-written and accessible for both men and women.

"I consider this a book to be read by both men and women depite the title..." Read more

"...Dance of Anger offers practical steps and helpful scenarios that can help you make important changes improve the quality of any type of relationship..." Read more

"...is adept at pulling out the generalities and it’s really easy to apply to relationships in one’s own life. It’s well written and easy to access...." Read more

"...It's very simple, but full of wisdom. I have read it through once, but like a favourite recipe book, it can be dipped into when the occasion arises...." Read more

10 customers mention ‘Anger management’10 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful and helpful for managing anger. They say it helps them understand their feelings and how to better manage relationships. The book covers all relationship issues and can be life-changing.

"...the book gives a great insight to anger, behavior and relationship patterns..." Read more

"...Woman cry - okay. So move on. Excellent tips on expressing without anger. Could save some relationships and help family dynamics...." Read more

"...It is SO VERY GOOD!!! It’s about way more than just anger - it’s about how we relate to our family members, friends and work colleagues...." Read more

"...Best anger book I've read." Read more

3 customers mention ‘Compassion’3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's compassion. They find it helpful, kind, and honest.

"Clear ,kind ,honest and intelligent. A lifesaver of a book..." Read more

"Changed my life: a must-read. Compassionate and useful" Read more

"asserting and loving..." Read more

Top reviews from United Kingdom

  • Such an insightful Read
    5.0 out of 5 stars So insightful
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 18 December 2024
    Verified Purchase
    This publishing is so insightful, it resonated with me throughout and gave me so many useful strategies to use going forward.
    Helpful
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  • Ms J. Huddlestone
    5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing Read ?
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 12 July 2013
    Verified Purchase
    Ever been caught up in a continuing circle of arguing with your partner/spouse/parent(s)/sibling/friend/work colleague ? As women we can be frowned upon by society for getting angry, but there's usually a reason for us doing so. How we then deal with that anger is explored in lots of ways in this book, and with ideas and examples of how to change re-occurring bouts of arguing and tense provocative situations. I can guarantee that you will read about yourself and a situation you have been in, more than once, and perhaps it may just make you re-think your responses ! And, it is just so interesting. I have read this book hoping it may help my own situation, and immediately started it again so I thoroughly digest and take on board all suggestions. And, I can immediately think of a few of my good friends who would also find it interesting and helpful for situations they are finding themselves in !!
    2 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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  • Babette
    4.0 out of 5 stars Great read fore anyone faced by their own or the anger of others.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 10 April 2016
    Verified Purchase
    This is a brilliant book for mothers and daughters to read. I have a friend who has a very stormy relationship with her two daughters and this book enabled me to see how anger can intrude on relationships when folks don't know how to deal with it.
    4 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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  • Sheila
    5.0 out of 5 stars unlearning
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 8 December 2012
    Verified Purchase
    I consider this a book to be read by both men and women depite the title (The Dance of Anger A Women's Guide to Changing the Pattern of Intimate Relationships) This book enables one to look inside at the deeper isssues of - what, why, when, where, who and how anger manifests itself. This repressed anger within ourselves stops others feeling uncomfortable The "Nice Lady" Syndrome (pages 5 - 8) which leaves an aftermath of us becoming deeply unaware of our thoughts, feelings and wants. We give into other peoples reactions and feelings and in turn are at risk of losing the one person we should all love and remain conscious of 'ourselves'.

    Negative labels and words play a huge part in how women are viewed for example "bitching", "complaining", and "nagging", nearly forgot "unfeminine" The "Bitchy" Woman pages 8 - 10) Women have never had any help as how to use anger constructively, or how to gain clarity and strength within ourselves and for our relationships. We have been conditioned to fear anger, to deny it so we begin to 'transfer' it into or onto inappropriate targets, or turn it in upon ourselves. However all this can be 'unlearned' and move us forward towards growth and energy

    Read the book I could go on but ........................
    11 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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  • Culture flow
    5.0 out of 5 stars one of the best books of its kind
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 November 2014
    Verified Purchase
    In a difficult time in my life, I came across this book and, after being so impressed with it, also bought the dance of intimacy and the dance of connection. I would say that this is one of the best books of its kind, and in my view also the best of these three. Even though the female categories here did not apply at all to me (and don't believe this book is only for women), the book gives a great insight to anger, behavior and relationship patterns (both yours and those of the person you dance with). It is not a miracle cure. To the contrary it helps you see your own heart and mind and opens a window to the heart of the person you dance with and help you understand and/or accept.
    11 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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  • Bri
    3.0 out of 5 stars Bad value for money
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 10 January 2018
    Verified Purchase
    I cannot comment on the literary content of the book but the printing quality is disgraceful.
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  • Michelle McKinnon-Young
    5.0 out of 5 stars Dance of Anger
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 7 September 2013
    Verified Purchase
    I am a professional-- an ordained minister who offers counseling as part of my vocational services. This book is a standby on my bookshelf and one that I have recommended to almost every woman who has come to see m for counseling throughout my ministry. This book is for any woman who wants to improve the quality of her relationships or who feels 'stuck' or 'trapped' and does not know how to take a find her own voice in a relationship. Relationships are meant to enrich our lives, not drag them down. Dance of Anger offers practical steps and helpful scenarios that can help you make important changes improve the quality of any type of relationship. If you have a daughter, you may find yourself a stronger role model for her after reading and applying these principles found in this reading!
    8 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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  • Julie A.
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Advice and useful in 2020
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 14 March 2020
    Verified Purchase
    Excellent advice in the complex world of relationships with mum, dad, daughter, boyfriend, partners, husbands, wives, in laws, work colleagues- an excellent read. Useful in my profession dealing with complex staffing issues. Woman cry - okay. So move on. Excellent tips on expressing without anger. Could save some relationships and help family dynamics. I wish I have read it some years ago before my husband abandoned me and his family turned on me. Great tips.
    4 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • JS09
    5.0 out of 5 stars A Classic
    Reviewed in Canada on 30 December 2024
    Verified Purchase
    Was so happy to get this on sale on Kindle. I will be gifting my paperback to my bff. A classic read.
    Report
  • queena qian
    5.0 out of 5 stars Inspirational
    Reviewed in the Netherlands on 14 February 2021
    Verified Purchase
    Very helpful to relate to my own case, sensitively written with real stories and clear theories behind. Works for me.
    Report
  • Carolina
    5.0 out of 5 stars Genial
    Reviewed in Spain on 18 December 2020
    Verified Purchase
    Hay que leerlo!
    Report
  • Jorge
    5.0 out of 5 stars Uno de los mejores libros que he leído de autoayuda.
    Reviewed in Mexico on 21 May 2018
    Verified Purchase
    No sólo se trata de el enojo Y cómo manejarlo sino también de cómo usarlo para mejorar nuestras relaciones personales y conocernos a nosotros mismos.
    Esta mujer usa brillantemente conceptos teóricos importantes para ponerlos de forma concreta en las relaciones personales no sólo de mujeres sino también para hombres.
    Lo recomiendo ampliamente sobre todo para las mujeres en búsqueda de por fin tener una buena relación de pareja.
    Report
  • Maydi
    5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful both for those who express their anger passively or aggressively (or both) )
    Reviewed in France on 29 February 2020
    Verified Purchase
    I recommend this book both to those women who are not afraid of showing their anger: the ones who yell and scream and throw things, etc. I also recommend it to those who try to hide this emotion or tend to distance themselves, or cry instead of screaming, or prefer to suffer in silence. As the author explains in detail, these are basically the two sides of one same coin.

    We all get angry and need to acknowledge this powerful emotion and use it effectively. That's the purpose of the book and the author gives great examples to help us get to the nirvana of anger...

    I particularly recommend this book to those ladies who are struggling with anger in their intimate relationships, mainly with their partners and secondly with their mothers or fathers. I have issues um both department's (esp. husband and mom) so this book was like manna sent from heaven.

    I have seen results on my everyday life just from reading, understanding and putting into practice the author's advice given in every chapter. I've highlighted the parts that I feel talk to me personally and read them again every few days.

    All in all, yes, go ahead and buy the book.
    Customer image
    Maydi
    5.0 out of 5 stars
    Helpful both for those who express their anger passively or aggressively (or both) )

    Reviewed in France on 29 February 2020
    I recommend this book both to those women who are not afraid of showing their anger: the ones who yell and scream and throw things, etc. I also recommend it to those who try to hide this emotion or tend to distance themselves, or cry instead of screaming, or prefer to suffer in silence. As the author explains in detail, these are basically the two sides of one same coin.

    We all get angry and need to acknowledge this powerful emotion and use it effectively. That's the purpose of the book and the author gives great examples to help us get to the nirvana of anger...

    I particularly recommend this book to those ladies who are struggling with anger in their intimate relationships, mainly with their partners and secondly with their mothers or fathers. I have issues um both department's (esp. husband and mom) so this book was like manna sent from heaven.

    I have seen results on my everyday life just from reading, understanding and putting into practice the author's advice given in every chapter. I've highlighted the parts that I feel talk to me personally and read them again every few days.

    All in all, yes, go ahead and buy the book.
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