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Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Hardcover – 8 April 2008

by Sue Johnson (Author)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 5,529 ratings
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Heralded by the New York Times and Time as the couples therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond.This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world. In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from "Recognizing the Demon Dialogue" to "Revisiting a Rocky Moment" -- and uses them as touch points for seven healing conversations.Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.
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  1. Print length
    320 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Hachette Book Group USA
  4. Publication date
    8 April 2008
  5. Dimensions
    16.51 x 3.18 x 24.45 cm
  6. ISBN-10
    031611300X
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0316113007
  8. See all details
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Product description

About the Author

Dr. Sue Johnson, a recipient of the Order of Canada, is an internationally recognized leader in the field of couple interventions. A clinical psychologist and Distinguished Research Professor at Alliant International University in San Diego and a professor at the University of Ottawa, Dr. Johnson is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and has trained thousands of therapists in North America and around the world. She is the author of numerous articles and books, including Love Sense and Created for Connection.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Hachette Book Group USA; First Edition (8 April 2008)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 031611300X
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0316113007
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1 kg 50 g
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 16.51 x 3.18 x 24.45 cm
  • Country of Origin ‏ : ‎ United Kingdom
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 5,529 ratings

About the author

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Sue Johnson

Sue Johnson

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Dr. Sue Johnson is an author, clinical psychologist, researcher, professor, popular presenter, speaker and a leading innovator in the field of psychotherapy and adult attachment. Sue is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which has demonstrated its effectiveness in over 35 years of peer-reviewed clinical research.

Sue has received a variety of awards acknowledging her significant contributions to the field of psychology, including the Order of Canada and the 2022 Lifetime Achievement Award from Psychotherapy Networker.

Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (2008), written for the general public, is a self-help version of her ground-breaking research – how to enhance relationships, how to repair them and how to keep them. This best seller has sold over one million copies worldwide and has been translated into 30 languages.

Dr. Johnson’s best-known professional books include Attachment Theory in Practice: EFT with Individuals, Couples and Families (2019), A Primer for Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (2022) and The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection (3rd edition, 2020),

Her most recent book - Edgar and Elouise, Sagas 1&2 – is her first book of fiction and tells the story of a group of fascinating animals who learn to discover who they are, face fear and peril and come together to fight to save their world.

Sue lives in Victoria, BC, with her husband; sue adores Argentine tango and kayaking on Canada’s lakes and seas.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
5,529 global ratings

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Ale
5.0 out of 5 stars Good read that's changed my perspective on relationships
Reviewed in Canada on 4 April 2024
Verified Purchase
This book was a good read. I bought it in a time when I was struggling with a new relationship, and this book has useful advice for strengthening relationships. it focuses on romantic relationships, but can also be applied to all relationships that need some extra compassion, love, and care. I like how the book is written in scenarios, as it makes it more engaging and realistic to apply to my own situations.

Overall, highly recommend for all types of relationships!
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Alejandro
3.0 out of 5 stars Printing error
Reviewed in Mexico on 5 April 2023
Verified Purchase
I ordered but I didn’t check de whole book and when I got there appeared this :( . I hope you don’t get the same
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Alejandro
3.0 out of 5 stars Printing error
Reviewed in Mexico on 5 April 2023
I ordered but I didn’t check de whole book and when I got there appeared this :( . I hope you don’t get the same
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars 😀
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 24 May 2023
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Super
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Water Dog
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazingly Insightful & Helpful Book regarding Couples
Reviewed in the United States on 9 September 2014
Verified Purchase
I have absolutely no connection with the author, only a desire to contribute to others. Curious as to who writes these reviews, I'm 56, male, my wife surprised me by divorcing me after a 20 year marriage, and have two children in college. I have two graduate degrees and read a far amount of self-help books.

Sue Johnson's book may truly be the best relationship book I've ever read, as it will forever change my understanding of relationships for the better.

This book is interesting and clear, balancing anecdotes with straightforward descriptions of her conceptual observations. According to Johnson, she gained her novel and deep insights from watching, and watching and re-watching videos of couples struggling in therapy using the best previously known tools. She listened to couples describe their relationship using "life and death" language. The existing tools, such as analysis and insights regarding childhood relationships, how to be reasonable, mirroring listening skills, and negotiation training, didn't seem to work.

Building on others' insights, Johnson came up with what she calls EFT: "Emotionally Focused Therapy." The thesis is that all people, including successful intellectuals, seek at the core of their relationship emotional attachment and safety. There are key negative and positive emotional moments that define the relationship. Seems mundane, but yet as I read the book, I found myself getting so many gems and Ah-Ha's that my copy is now underlined with post-its sticking out the side. I got tremendous insight, not only into my pain and struggles and my girlfriend's, but tools on how to repair emotional injuries and connect better.

The book is composed of seven conversations that are aimed at encouraging a special kind of emotional responsiveness described as the key to lasting love for couples. This emotional responsiveness has three main components with the acronym "ARE:"
Accessibility (Can I reach you?);
Responsiveness (Can I rely on you to respond to me emotionally?); &
Engagement (Do I know you will value me and stay close?)

Johnson claims great success with therapy using the EFT model and I believe it. She describes three typical patterns that couples often get stuck in: (1) Find the Bad Guy; (2) The Protest Polka; and (3) Freeze and Flee. The first and third are pretty self-descriptive. Johnson describes The Protest Polka as the most widespread and ensnaring, involves one person reaching out, albeit in a negative way, the other person withdrawing and the pattern repeating. I immediately saw that I often play the role of the protester, trying to get a reassuring connection, followed by feeling worse when my partner withdraws.

I'm now more than two-thirds through this book and am now finishing the chapter on the fifth conversation--Forgiving Injuries. Even if the remainder of this book is dribble, what I've read so far leaves me confident recommending it.

On a side note, I've been trained in Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communications," also known as NVC, or "Compassionate Communications." Raised by two science oriented parents, I became a husband, father and attorney that was clueless regarding emotions. I believed that negative emotions were enemies and obstacles to higher living. When I stumbled across NVC around the age of 40, I suddenly learned, for the first time in my life, the very helpful role of negative emotions, and now consider them to be good friends, albeit still challenging. Negative emotions provide indicators of the needs that are wanting. NVC helped me tremendously and heartily recommend that as well.

I have the 2008 version of "Hold Me Tight; Seven Conversations . . . " by Sue Johnson
105 people found this helpful
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bookworm
3.0 out of 5 stars Very good book. But...
Reviewed in Germany on 2 February 2014
Verified Purchase
The book is really excellent. But listening to it on the CD, was not such a great experience. Very poorly edited, feels like it is read by a computer. I am looking forwards to read it.
2 people found this helpful
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