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Billy No-Mates: How I Realised Men Have a Friendship Problem Paperback – 6 July 2023

by Max Dickins (Author)
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 198 ratings
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'Where have all my friends gone?'

When Max Dickins decided to propose to his girlfriend, he realised there was no one he could call on to be his best man.

He quickly learned that he wasn't the only man struggling with friendships. For decades, countless studies from across the world have confirmed that men have fewer close friends than women - and the problem gets worse the older men get. But what goes wrong? And what can men do about it? Dickins is going to find out.

Join Max on his funny and charmingly candid search as he takes a defibrillator to his social life. As he ultimately discovers that if he wants a Best Man, then he needs to be a better man.

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  1. Print length
    336 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Canongate Books
  4. Publication date
    6 July 2023
  5. Dimensions
    19.8 x 2.4 x 12.9 cm
  6. ISBN-10
    1838853545
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1838853549
  8. See all details
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From the Publisher

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Review

"[Max Dickins] couldn't think of anyone to be his best man. It was a realisation that triggered a poignant - and very funny - odyssey" ― Daily Mail

"A funny but deeply uncomfortable read for those men . . . who have allowed their male friendships to wither" ― Sunday Times

"On the spot" ― Guardian

"A funny, meaty, informative read where [Max Dickins] uses himself as a hook to guide us through male friendships" ― Independent

"Very funny, utterly charming and above all, wise, Billy No-Mates is not so much about getting the friendships you deserve, but deserving the friendships you've got" -- TIM DOWLING

"Fascinating" -- JEREMY VINE ― BBC Radio 2

"Really good" ― Financial Times

"Brilliant . . . one of the most important books I've read this year . . . [it] asks us to put a mirror up to our own friendships" -- NIHAL ARTHANAYAKE ― Radio5Live

"Billy No-Mates should be required reading for all us fellas. I wish I had it 10 years ago. Hilarious, elegantly-written and fascinating. As a life-improving call-to-arms, it's impact on me is hard to overstate. It has - without exaggeration - made me a better friend. And maybe even a better man. As absorbing as it is funny" -- PHIL WANG

"We need a conversation about why men don't have a mate they can talk to" ― The Times

Book Description

An honest, personal and funny look at male friendships, emotional connection and mental health

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Canongate Books; Main edition (6 July 2023)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 336 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1838853545
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1838853549
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 19.8 x 2.4 x 12.9 cm
  • Customer reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 198 ratings

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Max Dickins

Max Dickins

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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
198 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book insightful, informative, and relevant to everyone. They describe it as entertaining, funny, and engaging. The writing style is well-written and easy to read.

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InsightEntertainment valueWriting style
9 customers mention ‘Insight’9 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful and informative. They say it's relevant to everyone, with an interesting topic and thought-provoking insights into maintaining male friendships. The book is dense with research yet a breezy read that they easily understand. Readers mention it has a very important message and valuable insights into challenges in maintaining male friendships.

"...It's dense with research and yet it was a very breezy read, I easily got through it on a week of commutes and caught myself laughing publicly at..." Read more

"Funny, poignant at times and well researched. Great book, well written with a very important message." Read more

"Enjoyed Maxs writing style, the breadth and depth of research, although zig zagging, provided great variety of perspectives and experiences relating..." Read more

"This book will be relevant to everyone as we have all suffered from loneliness at some point in our lives whether fleetingly or longer...." Read more

7 customers mention ‘Entertainment value’7 positive0 negative

Customers find the book entertaining and funny at times. They say it starts off as an engaging, thoughtful walk through issues.

"Funny, poignant at times and well researched. Great book, well written with a very important message." Read more

"...It’s funny too given the subject matter." Read more

"I loved this book, as a woman it gave me such insight into how men behave together socially etc… made me laugh out loud and gave me plenty of food..." Read more

"Very entertaining, but no solutions, only confirmations. But it's nice he has a bestseller and can pay some bills...." Read more

4 customers mention ‘Writing style’4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well-written and easy to read. They appreciate the important message and research.

"...It's dense with research and yet it was a very breezy read, I easily got through it on a week of commutes and caught myself laughing publicly at..." Read more

"Funny, poignant at times and well researched. Great book, well written with a very important message." Read more

"Enjoyed Maxs writing style, the breadth and depth of research, although zig zagging, provided great variety of perspectives and experiences relating..." Read more

"Easy read, with interesting insight into friendship...." Read more

Top reviews from United Kingdom

  • Liam Brennan
    5.0 out of 5 stars A fun read on a very important topic
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 19 March 2024
    Verified Purchase
    This book came to me at the right time in my life. As I'm hitting my mid-thirties with many of my pals getting married and having kids, I'm at the point in my life where friendships need attending to for fear of being lost under a pile of life admin.

    Going under the hood of the mechanics of friendship, particular male friendship, was illuminating and at times a scary reflection of relationships I've had in the past and have to this day. The book will leave it's mark but it's certainly not a depressing read, instead it strikes a tone of bittersweetness. It both celebrates and mourns the friendships of our younger days as well championing of the importance of maintaining your current and new friendships. It's dense with research and yet it was a very breezy read, I easily got through it on a week of commutes and caught myself laughing publicly at some excellent jokes throughout the book.

    I heartily recommend this book to all those who are fascinated with friendship and the bittersweetness of growing older.
    One person found this helpful
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  • chc
    4.0 out of 5 stars Surprisingly in depth analysis of friendship....
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 24 May 2024
    I heard Max being interviewed on radio and decided to buy the book. I was glad i did.
    I was expecting a light-hearted, superficial and humorous account of his past and failed friendships but maybe little else.
    There was a lot of humour and enjoyable stories from his past but i was not expecting quite an in-depth and sensitive examination of friendship, especially between guys, particularly in the context of our times....including for example the impact of modern ideas of masculinity, individualism, modern working patterns, how men relate now to women friends and marriage etc etc. I thought it was all very well done, followed a compelling narrative and was thought provoking in a way i was not expecting.
    I would recommend.....
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant and important.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 30 October 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Funny, poignant at times and well researched. Great book, well written with a very important message.
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  • Alex HG
    5.0 out of 5 stars Strong research, varied, comical and...real
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 15 February 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Enjoyed Maxs writing style, the breadth and depth of research, although zig zagging, provided great variety of perspectives and experiences relating to the headline. Witty man, enjoy the read. Thank you Max!
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  • Bookread2day
    4.0 out of 5 stars Reflects on gender studies of men
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 25 October 2023
    Billy No Mates reflects on gender studies on men .

    Max, lives with his girlfriend, Naomi, who he can talk about most things to.

    He thinks about all the lonely guys who have posted things on the wedding forums. And about how three out of four suicides are by men and how suicides is the biggest cause of death for blokes under the age of forty five.

    Research into loneliness leads to depression, and depression leads to loneliness. Max thinks about decades of research that’s shown it basically impossible to be happy without friends and good ones at that.

    It appears Max has read up in the Guardian newspaper about loneliness. With getting married, realised there was no one he could call to be his best man.

    With Max talking about he wants more friends, Naomi, wants Max to text someone. But he is adamant that he can’t just text someone, as he has nothing to say. Naomi tries to give Max some advice how to text someone.

    What startled me was there is a website to rent a friend for £30 a month to be a member. There’s a staggering 61,585 friends to rent all over the world. Set up by an American entrepreneur Scott Rosenbaum in 2009, it’s part of an adventure capitalist almost gleefully refer to as the loneliness economy, and Max logs onto the website. He could pretend he’s doing it purely for research. The truth is Naomi has got a four month theatre gig at the other end of the country, where he will be then spending more time alone, and he is looking for company.
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  • David from London
    5.0 out of 5 stars Honest, insightful, thought provoking yet still fun in parts.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 16 July 2022
    Verified Purchase
    This book will be relevant to everyone as we have all suffered from loneliness at some point in our lives whether fleetingly or longer. Or we know somehow who has whether we recognise it or not. It opens your eyes to the issues some men face and is refreshingly honest.

    It’s funny too given the subject matter.
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  • mrs p wylie
    5.0 out of 5 stars funny and informative
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 6 September 2022
    Verified Purchase
    I loved this book, as a woman it gave me such insight into how men behave together socially etc… made me laugh out loud and gave me plenty of food for thought.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Dave Melchior
    3.0 out of 5 stars Entertaining, but no solutions, only confirmations.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 1 August 2022
    Verified Purchase
    Very entertaining, but no solutions, only confirmations.
    But it's nice he has a bestseller and can pay some bills.
    I sincerely mean that.
    One of the problems is that he's mid 30s and not mid 50s when he wrote this.
    He didn't yet loose all his friends, he only lost contact.
    The only idea he pitches at the end of the book is his Pubclub.
    Turns out his acquaintances are still mostly around, just under the impression they are busy.
    Maybe he can revisit this book in 20 years.
    Besides a chuckle every now and then, the one thing I took from his book is something I already knew but now will take more seriously:
    - Go and live within a mile from where your acquaintances live.
    (I'm not even mentioning friends cos you probably don't have any anymore)
    If they know you are very near they will think of you when they happen to be somewhere or have something to do or need help. As soon as you are 10 miles away they will remove you from their mind.

    Another tip not mentioned in the book and not everybody will like is to become a Freemason with your nearest Lodge (Don't worry, they only do charity. Don't believe the conspiracy nonsense). You will have an instant 30 acquaintances who have to care about you by their own rules and regulations. You will have at least 2 evenings a month with food and laughter. And if you live within that mile I mentioned before they will think of you when something is going on. Even if it's just when somebody needs to move something or if somebody is ill or something is needed for the Lodge or a pint at the local pub. Just an idea.
    30 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Olesea
    5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful book
    Reviewed in the United States on 16 July 2022
    Verified Purchase
    Loved this books so much, it was very well researched, very heartfelt and also really funny, i found myself laughing out loud at some paragraphs. Also i got very sentimental reminiscing about my own friends, it was so relatable even tough i am a woman so not exactly the target audience, i guess? Anyway, i wholehartedly recommend it to anyone, man or woman because friendship is not that nuanced amongst sexes. Especially the logistics of it: showing up to friend dates, texting, calling, being interested in their lives…oh, i should mention that this book will make more sense if you are 30 and above, around the time friends are “busy” and social life in general declining.
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  • Alison Cairns
    5.0 out of 5 stars This book is for everyone, not just blokes
    Reviewed in Australia on 30 January 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Brilliantly written with the right balance of humour and data. Essential reading to ensure we put the effort into our friendships.
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  • AJ ERNST
    5.0 out of 5 stars Superb!
    Reviewed in the United States on 20 May 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Delivered early and in perfect condition!
    Report
  • K
    5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you Max for an insightful and entertaining read!
    Reviewed in Australia on 19 July 2022
    Verified Purchase
    Hilarious, and such a pleasure to read. An ever interesting topic.
    Report
  • JVR
    1.0 out of 5 stars Excessively vulgar
    Reviewed in the United States on 20 May 2023
    Verified Purchase
    It's a strange book—uneven. At times the author presents scholarly information and thoughtful considerations on a very important topic. But he laces it all with obnoxious, vulgar, and even obscene quips that are supposed to be humorous but in fact are tedious at best and offensive at worst. Mr. Dixon declares that he is a millennial and, yes, he does seem to fit the mold: self-absorbed and with a somewhat pagan (hedonistic) outlook on life and lifestyle. As another reviewer has pointed out, he raises questions and points out problems, but presents no substantial solutions. It's too bad, because the basic idea for the book (his quest for a best-man) was clever and some of the points raised are good. Unfortunately, due to the vulgarity and lack of SERIOUS discussion of realistic solutions, I would not recommend this book to my friends.
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